A close friend pointed out that my last blog post, over 3 months ago, was titled persistence. Lol. Don’t you wanna hear my excuse? After my laptop took a squat, I guess I just got outta the habit. No laptop left me at the mercy of the computer lab at school. So there you go. No laptop, no blog posts.

Guess who got a new laptop though? Yeah!  So where where we?

Winter term (January 3rd-ish to March 15th-ish) was the hardest thing I ever did in my life. I’ve never studied so hard, never put hours in like that before for anything. And the fact of the matter is, I got what I worked so hard for, good grades (two A’s, two B’s) and critical points towards the nursing program. It wasn’t without sacrifice though. Swimming took a hit, family time took a hit, personal fun time took a hit, had to cut the fiance loose, even missed a few days with the kiddo.  I left everyone know what things were going to be like last term though, and most we understanding.

 Work has been slow, not many hours out there unless its day shift (school time) and there is a hiring freeze at the state hospital in Salem, which is where I’d like to work. So we’ll see how that goes between now and summer.

Weight wise (the purpose of this blog) I can tell you, I’m right where I was in December. 447 pounds. On one hand I am very disappointed in myself, no loss in months. The silver lining though, I didn’t gain anything either. As usual though, I’m back on it.

School this term (and future terms) will be nothing like last term. I have time to be myself, swim, see friends and family, Et cetera.

To be successful you have to be willing to make hard choices. People that aren’t supportive of weight loss or school are quickly finding their way out of my life. I no longer have time for people who don’t support my goals or have time for me.

That’s all I got.

Well, here we go. From December 5th to December 16 I was in the clinical portion of my CNA training. It was tough, and weight was a factor. We started at 5:45am and finished up around 2:15-2:30 or so.

For most people, 8 hours is a normal day. For someone like me, who hasn’t worked full time in years, it can be extremely difficult. Oh well. Thanks to ibuprofen and Red Bull I made it through mostly unscathed.

For the comfort of the residents, the temperature is kept at 75, year round. So basically I spent the last 2 weeks sweating my balls off and working more than I have in years. I see myself dropping some serious weight just by working three.

Friday’s weigh in was 449 :) and thats been with missed swims. Now that class is over, swimming will resume. Also, I was offered a job, so bye bye unemployment. 2012 is going to be big weight loss.

  Confidence is weird. Mostly because I don’t have any. The other weird part is that people think I do.  I’m training to be a CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant) and this week, starting 12/5 was the clinical portion. All I can say is this, I’m damn lucky I started swimming when I did.  I am 100% sure I would have failed the class. We are working from 5:45am to 2:30pm. This time is spent on your feet, lifting people in and out of beds, wheelchairs, and anywhere else.

There are a few reasons this has been so hard, one being the 464 pounds. The other comes from me having been unemployed most of the year. I sit a lot. This training though is making me feel confident, and nothing else really does. The amount of tylenol and advil (and energy drinks) it took to pull this off shant be written. Know this, it wasn’t good. It was however for a good purpose, finishing training and getting a very physical job.

Where I am training they keep the temperature at 75, all year long. So now swimming has a partner. Swimming, I’d like you to meet my friend Sweating Your Balls Off. Now that I’ve got healthy (or at the least, much healthier than it was) food on lock down, I’m predicting serious weight loss in 2012.

The only negative feedback I got this week was that I need to perform my job duties with confidence. Apparently I look like I’m very unsure of myself. I have to tell you though, I love it. Helping take care of people makes me feel like I’m doing something with my life. Stocking shelves in a grocery store did not.

I feel like my confidence is tied to my weight. When I look in the mirror, I see a creature, not a man. I don’t let people take my picture. I don’t look in mirrors. When I see my own reflection, I basically want to cry. Every single day this week, when my alarm went off at 4:30am the heaviness told me to quit. Not even quit like a man, but just not show up again, ever.

 So, with swimming and this new job, maybe I can fight against being the Elephant Creature from the Black Latrine. Maybe someday when I look in that mirror, I’ll see I guy I haven’t seen in many years. I have clinicals all next week too, just another week of swimming AND 8 hours of ass busting workall week.  And here’s to it, I’m ready to be myself again.

Sadly, swimming fell off this week, but I’ll be back at it tomorrow. Sunday my swimming partner, the guy who orchestrates my workout, was out sick. Wednesday I was so sore from clinicals, I could barely walk, so I nixed it.

I am excited to be back tomorrow, I really am. I’ll be moving some serious water (and not just because I got in the pool).

Finals. Damn. I was cold as ice finals week and ended up earning myself straight A’s.

I took a lot of my time, but what a feeling! I’m also fully registered for winter term, starting January 9th. 14 credits instead of 12, and I aim to do it again.

Ok, let’s start with weight since I’m way behind. Sunday 12/4, I came in at 464, which is up again. Again though, I think it’s from all the muscle I’m adding to my frame. I won’t try and tell you I’m “in good shape” but find me another 464 pound man, and I’ll tear him up ;)

My next weight loss posting will be Monday 12/12.

The week of Thanksgiving, I seem to have gained 10 pounds. 460 is where I’m at again, but I’m ok with it.

It’s not food weight, it’s muscle weight, so I’ll deal. I feel good, energy level is up, and swimming is going great. My arms have more definition to them than I can remember seeing in a decade. I have a half day pass to a 1 day gun show.

I was conflicted about “the feast.”. Should I go to the extreme and eat practically nothing that was cooked (since its all bad for you) and eat a normal portion? Or should I try and eat a bit of everything and just eat less, OR should I eat like I’m trying to win a t-shirt and get my name on some plaque on the wall?

I feel like I did ok. A bit of turkey, less ham, a child sized portion of potatoes, and almost no corn. The biggest challenge was Cathey’s sausage and sage stuffing. I could have easily taken the whole container, said “this is mine” and killed the closest relative with the serving spoon.

Dessert was limited to A slice of pumpkin pie, even though apple was sitting on the counter, all sexy like, saying shit like “c’mon babeh, it’s me, Ms. Apple pie!” I did what I had to and shut the bitch down. For just this once, I had the headache.

Back to the pool this morning, Randy will punish me, no matter what my story is. We’ve added a few more reps to our routine, and that worked out well. Whatever they call the muscles under your man boobs, mine are killing me.

Something cool did happen at the pool Wednesday, I got a little shout out from the lifeguard staff for doing work. I won’t lie, that was awesome.

  People have been asking me, “have you tried the soup diet?” “Are you going to try the acai berry cleanse?” So let me give you my definitive answer. No. If you are a person who is always saying “I wish I could lose these last ten pounds,” maybe it’ll work for you. I am not on a diet. I am making life changes. I am changing the way I do things forever.

No carb diets, gluten free diets, fruit and veggie diets, soup diets, etc, all sound like bullshit to me. Can you say you’ll never eat another carb again? Ever? I know I can’t, so I’m not going to set myself up to fail.  After a 30 day juice diet, what do you think is going to happen when you make yourself a steak and a potato? “I lost 40 pounds when I was on the water diet, but after a month I started eating food again and gained it all back. Now I’m going to do it for two months!”  That’s drastic, but that’s what I hear when people blather on and on about the latest thing they heard on TV that some dumb ass celebrity is doing.

 I am going to eat smarter, exercise, and lose some weight.  I didn’t follow some special plan to gain this weight, so I don’t need some gimmick to lose it. No fruit juice colon cleanse, no veggie diet, no stomach surgery.

 For too long eating was fun. Eating is a social activity. Eating with others is fellowship. I still want it to be social, but I want to ditch the fun part (mostly). Until I learn what the word full means, or until I stop running to food like an alcoholic runs to a beer, eating is a task.  Eating is a chore. Homework is a task. Cleaning the house is a chore.  That’s where eating will have to be for me until I have the power to make it fun again.

I am a person who loves going out to eat, and I always will. I love a plate of good food, and there isn’t anything wrong with that.  Some of my friends are fat too, and they always tell me how “honest” I am or how “real” I make things. It’s so easy (says the 450 pound man).

 Here is the Brady Shields weight loss plan.

Have you ever slept with a skanky, strumpet of a woman (or man), and you wouldn’t tell anyone about it? If you don’t want to tell anyone, you probably shouldn’t be hitting that. That it with food too.  If you would be embarrassed to tell someone “Well, I ordered the double quarter pounder meal, supersized, and I got 2 cheeseburgers and a six piece nugget for lunch” then guess what, don’t eat it. (That’s a real lunch order from about 2008).

Watch what your cramming in your pie hole. The more processed it is, the worse it is for you. The easier it is, or the cheaper it is, is all the more reason you shouldn’t be eating it. Americans are fat because awful, terrible food is cheap, but that’s another rant.

Drink water. Everything else is fluff. Coffee drinker? Fine, have a cup of coffee, NOT a 5 dollar drink from Dutch Brothers that has half your daily calorie allotment in it. “But my skinny, venti, chai mocha latte with caramel drizzle is my morning treat!” Please see my post about the treats you “earned” http://bradywan.tumblr.com/post/12109140230/i-earned-this

Get some exercise. Go for a walk. Walk until you start sucking air, hard. Then when you tell yourself “this is bullshit” remember what house you’re in front of. Tomorrow, walk a house past that one. Rinse and repeat.

I weigh 450 pounds, and I know that I could be doing this into 2013-2014 or so. You need to understand that it won’t come off fast, but you’ve got to buckle down (before your knees buckle).

Understand that someone you know WILL lose 100 pounds on the celery diet, and they will want you to do it. You most likely wont. Just like the first asshole who make millions flipping houses, go give it a try, but it probably wont work.

Food intake, exercise and persistence are all you need. A support system is pretty handy too. Put down your shake weight, take the electro shocker pad off of your abs and throw your deal a meal cards away.

 Started the day out right with some rawkus power oatmeal (oats, dried cranberries, local honey, coconut oil, spoon of peanut butter, sliced almonds) and now getting the apartment picked up. I’m off until Tuesday (wooo) and have a lot of free time on my hands.

 I have swimming tonight, which is awesome. I’m actually really enjoying it, and I think the new workout is behind my new enthusiasm. I’d really need my friend who came up with the exercises to explain what we are replicating, otherwise listing them here would be ridiculous (I did 80 Hulk Hogans’ tonight).

 If anything, I’m sad that the Wednesday night swim is too short.  It’s the only one, of the three swims we have where I feel like I get shorted.  Wednesday night lap swim is from 8:30 to 9:30, but you can bet your ass about 9:15 the lifeguards on duty stand together and give you the stink eye. Sometimes they start covering the pool early, which pisses me off extra.  Last time (I think) after being in the locker room 5-6 minutes, they flicked the lights. A lifeguard said “I think she wants to get going,” she being the supervisor.

 The next time it happens, I’m going to call the school and complain. On their website, they show lap swim from 8:30 to 9:30 http://www.lebanonpool.org/schedule_fall.htm and the have printed schedules in the lobby with the same hours. If they don’t want to be open that late, they should change it. A lap swim ending at 9:30 to me means that I can be in the water until 9:30 and then get out, shower, dress and go.  It seems that they would like us out of the building by 9:30, and that isn’t going to happen with the hours they have posted. Anyways, that’s the end of my rant.

 My roommates dog just ran in here with a pair of my underwear in his mouth. That should just about kill him. Its awesome to have people rooting for me, you all have a nice Thanksgiving.

< peace