Something else that throws up a roadblock for me. As far as I can remember, all I ever wanted to be was someone else. I can remember being a kid and thinking that I was a douche bag. I don’t know what inside of me is broken, I don’t know why I’ve never had a shred of confidence in myself.

I can remember teachers in high school saying things like “Someday, when you’re all in college” thinking instantly that I’d never make it.  I can remember people being on my ass about playing football and thinking, if only I was some other guy, I could do it.

I can remember being an assistant manager and hearing “Well, you’ll be a manager sooner or later” and thinking, not likely, I’m fucking lucky I’m an assistant. My dad has said things to me like “Someday, when you have a house” and I follow the conversation, but in my head, I don’t believe that will ever happen.

My obesity takes credit for a lot of this, but what about the rest? What if I lost all the weight and I still hated myself?

These entries are coming out shorter than I’d like. I’m too sleepy to do this anymore tonight.